Don't you just despise being "in between"?
You know that point in time where life simply seems like one big 'drama' and you just pray that you could know exactly what God wants from you and where God wants you to be?
Well, this week has been one of those weeks. It hasn't been a 'bad' week by any means. My family is fine - no one is ill, no students are in open rebellion, my writing is going well, the pets have been well behaved, we have money in our bank account and I had a wonderful experience leading our Wednesday night prayer group.
Yet, my own spiritual malaise is at full throttle. [aaarrrggghhhh!!!!]
I find myself wondering minute by minute about what the future holds; wondering what God has in store for me and wondering if I'm actually looking for a sign too far down the road when what God actually wants from me is right in front of my nose! Have you ever had that happen to you? You know, the point where you are trying to discern direction and then you start trying to discern if you are trying to discern too much!! My goodness, I think I'm now becoming my own worst enemy... Please tell me I'm not alone dear friends.
I've realized that I'm looking so closely at everything for a clue to what I should be doing that I'm really missing what I could be doing. Can you tell that I'm laughing at myself even as I write this blog. Ha, again!
Well, I'm tired of the tyranny of this drama. I need to pull my net in and just let God be God. I'm fortunate to have the friends and readers that I have praying for me. So thank you Scott and Anonymous ;-) for remembering me and simply reminding me that God is God and I am not.
This morning I had the great joy of sharing a book of poetry with my boss, the President of the University - what a fine scholar and joyous man. It is a moment I will treasure. I had the privilege of teaching a preaching class of 7 wonderful students. I had a conversation over lunch with an old friend, a former dean of the school of music at the University of Oklahoma. When over hearing my predicament, he said to me, "Have you ever thought that you are right where you need to be, where all of your talents are put into action?"
Having said all of this, I know that it is tough for all of us - trying to find our place in life. We have to balance our wants and our needs, our dreams and our realities. As Christians we have to understand our 'call' but not over think it either. (Which of course seems to be my problem at the moment!) My Grandma, Ida Williams, ever the fount of wisdom, used to say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade' and 'bloom where you are planted' - Scripture tells us that we are to be faithful with the gifts God has given to us. Amen.
I've always been an adventurer, always wanting to be on the cutting edge. That in itself is part of my drama. Of course, what I need is what we all need: love, meaning and purpose. And friends, did I say friends?
Regardless, I'm purposively letting go of the drama. My life belongs to God. Send me or keep me Lord - I'm good with it. Just satisfy me with you Lord... and please, hold the drama.