April snows bring May mows...

Well, it is Maundy Thursday and it is snowing...again. You think I would get tired of it, but not true. There is a different rhythm to life in the northern Rockies as opposed to the southern plains. I read that there were tornadoes moving through north Texas yesterday, which is typical this time of year for the southern plains. From Colorado, east to Kentucky and from Nebraska, south to the Gulf of Mexico, there is a distinct rhythm of life in the springtime. Powerful thunderstorms form across the plains, bringing life giving rain, but also powerful life stealing winds.

The northern Rockies have a different feel altogether. Spring snow tends to be wet and melts off within a day or two. This is followed by a gradual increase in temperatures over time until it snows again; but the snow becomes less and less, turning to grapple, maybe even light hail (that really doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?) and then just rain again. Although this area has seen snow in July, it usually ceases in early June. Last summer there were almost weekly, short rain showers followed by 5 or 6 days of beautiful sunshine in the 70s-80s. Very different than the rhythm of life in my native Oklahoma-Texas.

The ancient Israelites understood the rhythm of life in a way that we do not today. There were aspects of every religious festival that were connected to the agrarian rhythm of life in Palestine. Festivals coincided with various harvests and equinoxes. They were connected to the rhythm of life. Although we tend to dismiss this fact, it is nevertheless true. Why would we dismiss it? Is it because we perceive this correlation to be 'pagan' in nature or maybe 'ungodly' or 'anti-faith'?

However, if God indeed created the earth for humankind, why can we not see its cycles and rhythms as part of life as God intended? If anything, these cycles remind us of our 'createdness' and our 'stewardship' of this creation. These cycles remind us of our humble position in this creation and the need for us to fulfill our station in the plan of the creator.

This Easter, remember the life God has given to you. Remember that we are a part of this creation and have a special role to perform in it. If we are celebrating resurrection, remember that you saw resurrection first in the rising of the sun each new day. Let God remind you with the setting sun of each day that our life is hidden in Christ. Let each harvest remind you that all that we have comes from the creator and be thankful for it.

Treasure each and every moment as a gift from God.

Happy Birthday Catherine.

My daughter Catherine was born today, 20 years ago. I cannot begin to describe, as I am sure no parent truly can, how much I love my children, but especially Catherine. Catherine was my first. She has taught me as much about myself as I have attempted to teach her about life. It has not always been easy. At first, I did not understand that, but now I do. Difficult can be good.

Today, I can say that I love my daughter more today than the day she was born. That is bitter sweet. In so many ways I look back with regret on what I didn't do - performances I didn't see, the graduation picture I don't have, the fuss I made over which college she chose. Now, I simply miss her. What I wouldn't give to get some of the moments, some of those opportunities back. But I can't. I can only be the dad I need to be for her future, which I might ad, is rosy.

I am very, very proud of Catherine. She has done well in college and is managing her life well. I don't know how much of that is my influence, but it really doesn't matter. I am still proud of her. She will always have my love as her dad. Indeed, when my time is over in this life, all that will be left to remember about Jay Smith, will be Catherine and Hannah.

Catherine, I love you, I am proud of you and I am grateful to be your father.

Happy 20th Birthday!

Lenten Reflection #2 It really is about love...

Lent is an interesting time for me. It tends to either be a regimented denial of my own cravings, where I can't wait for it to be over, and resolve into an 'Easter basket' of indulgence or, it is simply a liturgical season, like any other, where I pay homage to it's intent, yet go about my life in all of its regular patterns. This year is different.

As a pastor of a church out of the 'free church' tradition - a church formed out of the protestant reformation, intentionally disconnected from government - liturgical seasons take a back seat to 'the preaching of the Word'. Yet, the liturgical seasons to some degree still inform our practice. This is obvious when we talk about Christmas and Easter, but not so much Advent and Lent, and in my tradition, definitely not Pentecost. (Which, by the way, is too bad!) Nevertheless, Lent now has a hold on me, unlike ever before. Why is this happening? Maybe because I'm getting older; maybe because I'm paying more attention to my own spiritual formation; or, maybe because I continue to examine what exactly 'love' is in my life; maybe all of the above. Either way, Lent has got me thinking. Not just about self-denial or about my own failures (read 'sin'), but about love.

My chosen text for this Sunday (March 18, 2012) is Romans 13:8-14.

8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. 9 For this, "YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY, YOU SHALL NOT MURDER, YOU SHALL NOT STEAL, YOU SHALL NOT COVET," and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." 10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

11 Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we believed. 12 The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.

In light of this singular text - not a normal text for Lent - I find a pretext for Lent being theologically rooted in love. We enter into self-denial, not driven by unwarranted or coerced obedience, but driven by love. To be driven by love is not an overbearing, burdensome denial, but a desire to honor and return the love from lover to beloved. Theologians from Walter Kasper to Stanley Grenz understand the Holy Spirit as the absolute, personal and reciprocal love between God the Father and God the Son.

In the season of Lent, our self-denial is driven by the desire to participate in the love between The Father and The Son. We enter into self-denial, driven not by some sort of ascetic principle, but out of the desire to please "the one who loved me and gave Himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). In this fashion, our self-denial helps us understand the nature of love and God's desire to enter into a love relationship with us. Good Friday-Easter then becomes the great act of love and Pentecost becomes the eruption of love into our world.

Don't allow Lent to pass you by this year. Learn more about love. Learn more about God. God loves us and desires to draw all of creation into the love relation that marks God's very being. Don't give up chocolate, sugar, coffee or fill-in-the-blank consumerist addiction for 40 days just because the priest/pastor/minister told you to do that action. Do it as an act of love for the God that loved you so much that He gave us his Son and Spirit…forever.

Poetry of Life (for Lauri)

1969

Hot summers in Bethany

Bicycles to Ripper Park

Hearing the Ice Cream Truck miles away…

The trip to Verden

Anxious twisting

to see my cousins

The hot summers under the pecan trees

hot bread, fried okra

fascinated by the burning trash barrel…

Aunt Bea

Shay and Karen…

grain silos and railroad tracks

A trip to Tulare!

Adam, Becky, Dad and Mom…

I-40, Route 66

Albuquerque, Flagstaff, the Grand Canyon

Bakersfield, Tulare

white houses, HOT streets…

trips to the small corner store

lots of swimming at the local pool

31 flavors with Shel

Pismo beach

Lauri's laugh alone

made me laugh then

and still does today.

2012

Three children three marriages

We've lost parents

Our children are beautiful

life didn't turn out

like we thought

Whitley and Smith always

we are halfway through now

regret behind us, wisdom ahead…

Driven one way from the beginning

we can choose now

the direction of the last lap.

Maybe

true life

is just beginning.

Lenten Journey 1

Wednesday, February 29 • Leap Year 2012

We are now one week into the season of Lent. As a baptist Christian from the southwest, Lent took a while to catch on in my life, but it has in the last 10 years. This year, however, Lent has taken a twist for me. I am taking Matthew 16:24-25 as my cornerstone verses for this year's Lenten journey:

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

This seems like an appropriate verse for Lent, traditionally a time of self-denial in preparation for the reflection and trial of Holy Week. But as I have reflected upon it, I realize that self-denial is not something one can undertake out of a sense of obedience or even out of fear, necessarily. So what is it that drives our denial of self?

I believe Jesus gives us the clue in verse 25: "for My sake"…

I believe that "for My sake" means love. It is our love for God that drives our Lenten denial. It is God's desire for us in Jesus, overflowing into our lives through his own self denial on the cross that impels us, by His love and consequently our own, to deny our renegade self, take up the cross and follow Him.

Love is the heart of Lent.

February can be the cruelest month…

First, a confession.

My dear blog-o-philes: I have been terribly remiss in not posting recently and for that, I truly apologize. The last three months have been more than difficult - they have been excruciating in the intensity of spiritual and physical struggle. It is still tough at this moment and so I ask for your prayers on my behalf. I write from a hotel room in Portland, Oregon. My back is a constant source of pain and I am just burned out. Too many things happening too fast and I am not taking care of myself as I should. Have I lost my faith? No, absolutely not. I just know that I am deep in a spiritual struggle and could use your prayers. I could name all of the 'powers' that confront me, but I don't know if I need to do that. Let it be enough that I know what's going on and need your prayers for strength, wisdom and rest.

Second, an observation.

This weekend, I am attending the second annual "Justice Conference" in Portland, OR. (See: http://thejusticeconference.com/ ) Although I still have back pain, I felt The Justice Conference was an opportunity to learn and experience a bit more in the area of a rapidly developing ministry area. I admire the principal speakers (Miroslav Volf, Walter Brueggeman, Shane Claiborne, Francis Chan…) and have heard a bit about the secondary speakers. Some of my colleagues from academia are attending. So you will understand when I say that I was a bit dismayed to find that TJC has become a "destination event."

The intention is good. It seeks to make Christians, and really, people in general, aware of the nature and need for justice in our world, and, impel them to action. It does this in a number of ways. First, it has a variety of exhibitors - all of whom are attempting to 'do justice' in some field - who seek to become visible and recruit support and personnel for their mission. Second, it has a variety of speakers who address the topic of justice biblically, theologically, sociologically, psychologically, etc. These speakers are nationally known authors, pastors, academics, practitioners, etc who seek to communicate effectively about specific justice issues.

The problem is, as I see it, that once you identify and commodify a concept or thing, then package it for sale, it runs the risk of simply becoming another "product" in our consumerist society. The Justice Conference runs the risk of becoming an end in itself. Cool people plus cool music, plus cool atmosphere, plus cool exhibits, t-shirts and give away stuff all add up together to create an event that people want to which people want to continually return. But will the event itself result in the inculcation of the need to 'do justice' in its attenders? I don't know. That is yet to be seen. I hope so, but what I have experienced so far would suggest that the conference is becoming an end in itself. Only time will tell. My sense is that the conference organizers need to have more 'hands on' and 'how to' workshops and projects.

My hope is that the Justice Conference rethinks and restrategizes how it does, what it does in order to become more than the sum of its parts. Then the conference will empower people to change the world. I am grateful for the opportunities at the conference. I have been spurred to think and to imagine how we can cultivate the ability to do justice in my local context. Now to make that a reality. I look forward to next year's conference, assuming that some changes are made.

More again soon. God bless you my friends.

Appalachian Spring!

I went to sleep in 2011 and woke up in 2012. My alarm did not blare, but in soft tones, sang to me. Hugh Wolff and the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra played the last 90 seconds of Aaron Copland's original Appalachian Spring. To be honest, I can't think of a better way of waking up to a new year. The first thing that came to my mind was "thank you Lord for whispering such a lovely wake-up to me!"

Isn't it interesting how God whispers words of confirmation and encouragement to us? Those 90 seconds spoke volumes to me about life, about the new year and about God. 2012 is a special year.

Happy New Year my friends.

I know it has been awhile since I have blogged, so I must share a bit about what has been going on in my life. If you are a facebook friend, then you probably know a little already, but let me summarize a bit for you here.

I have been in Bozeman, Montana for almost a full year. In two weeks it will be a full year. It has been one of the most interesting years of my life thus far. As much as I loved Howard Payne and the teaching ministry I had there, this move was the right move for a variety of reasons. I look back at my time at HPU as a time of preparation. Preparation for what was to come in Bozeman. I miss my friends and I miss my older daughter who is at HPU. I made memories at HPU that I think of often, some joyful, some painful. Nevertheless, as time gathers momentum, I see that time and its purpose in my life.

Moving to Bozeman has not been without its difficulties though. It took seven months and a lot of work to get into our house. All of the flying back and forth as well as the work on the house caused some serious back problems, for which I am now going through physical therapy and treatments through an orthopedist. The church, as people, started out well, but has been stumbling along as of late. I refuse to be discouraged though. I knew this would be a five to seven year turn-around when I came. The core group of the church is resilient and loving though and we will not only survive, but will thrive in the near future!

2012's challenges are also its blessings. Here they are:

1. Finish my thesis.

2. Faithfully lead Bridger Community (FBC, The Rock Youth Center, CSR Ministries, The Montana Centre and Montana College) to a new level of thrival!

3. See my family into a new era of beautiful living.

4. Love God more.

Let me close now with a prayer now for the new year. It is not mine, but St. Elizabeth of Dijon's prayer. Enjoy.

Much love to each of you for a happy new year.

Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity: Prayer to the Trinity

O my God, Trinity whom I adore; help me to forget myself entirely that I may be established in You as still and as peaceful as if my soul were already in eternity. May nothing trouble my peace or make me leave You, O my Unchanging One, but may each minute carry me further into the depths of Your mystery. Give peace to my soul; make it Your heaven, Your beloved dwelling and Your resting place. May I never leave You there alone but be wholly present, my faith wholly vigilant, wholly adoring, and wholly surrendered to Your creative Action.

O my beloved Christ, crucified by love, I wish to be a bride for Your Heart; I wish to cover You with glory; I wish to love You...even unto death! But I feel my weakness, and I ask You to "clothe me with Yourself," to identify my soul with all the movements of Your Soul, to overwhelm me, to possess me, to substitute yourself for me that my life may be but a radiance of Your Life. Come into me as Adorer, as Restorer, as Savior.

O Eternal Word, Word of my God, I want to spend my life in listening to You, to become wholly teachable that I may learn all from You. Then, through all nights, all voids, all helplessness, I want to gaze on You always and remain in Your great light. O my beloved Star, so fascinate me that I may not withdraw from Your radiance.

O consuming Fire, Spirit of Love, "come upon me," and create in my soul a kind of incarnation of the Word: that I may be another humanity for Him in which He can renew His whole Mystery. And You, O Father, bend lovingly over Your poor little crature; "cover her with Your shadow," seeing in her only the "Beloved in whom You are well pleased."

O my Three, my All, my Beatitude, infinite Solitude, Immensity in which I lose myself, I surrender myself to You as Your prey. Bury Yourself in me that I may bury myself in You until I depart to contemplate in Your light the abyss of Your greatness.