Lenten Journey 1

Wednesday, February 29 • Leap Year 2012

We are now one week into the season of Lent. As a baptist Christian from the southwest, Lent took a while to catch on in my life, but it has in the last 10 years. This year, however, Lent has taken a twist for me. I am taking Matthew 16:24-25 as my cornerstone verses for this year's Lenten journey:

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

This seems like an appropriate verse for Lent, traditionally a time of self-denial in preparation for the reflection and trial of Holy Week. But as I have reflected upon it, I realize that self-denial is not something one can undertake out of a sense of obedience or even out of fear, necessarily. So what is it that drives our denial of self?

I believe Jesus gives us the clue in verse 25: "for My sake"…

I believe that "for My sake" means love. It is our love for God that drives our Lenten denial. It is God's desire for us in Jesus, overflowing into our lives through his own self denial on the cross that impels us, by His love and consequently our own, to deny our renegade self, take up the cross and follow Him.

Love is the heart of Lent.

February can be the cruelest month…

First, a confession.

My dear blog-o-philes: I have been terribly remiss in not posting recently and for that, I truly apologize. The last three months have been more than difficult - they have been excruciating in the intensity of spiritual and physical struggle. It is still tough at this moment and so I ask for your prayers on my behalf. I write from a hotel room in Portland, Oregon. My back is a constant source of pain and I am just burned out. Too many things happening too fast and I am not taking care of myself as I should. Have I lost my faith? No, absolutely not. I just know that I am deep in a spiritual struggle and could use your prayers. I could name all of the 'powers' that confront me, but I don't know if I need to do that. Let it be enough that I know what's going on and need your prayers for strength, wisdom and rest.

Second, an observation.

This weekend, I am attending the second annual "Justice Conference" in Portland, OR. (See: http://thejusticeconference.com/ ) Although I still have back pain, I felt The Justice Conference was an opportunity to learn and experience a bit more in the area of a rapidly developing ministry area. I admire the principal speakers (Miroslav Volf, Walter Brueggeman, Shane Claiborne, Francis Chan…) and have heard a bit about the secondary speakers. Some of my colleagues from academia are attending. So you will understand when I say that I was a bit dismayed to find that TJC has become a "destination event."

The intention is good. It seeks to make Christians, and really, people in general, aware of the nature and need for justice in our world, and, impel them to action. It does this in a number of ways. First, it has a variety of exhibitors - all of whom are attempting to 'do justice' in some field - who seek to become visible and recruit support and personnel for their mission. Second, it has a variety of speakers who address the topic of justice biblically, theologically, sociologically, psychologically, etc. These speakers are nationally known authors, pastors, academics, practitioners, etc who seek to communicate effectively about specific justice issues.

The problem is, as I see it, that once you identify and commodify a concept or thing, then package it for sale, it runs the risk of simply becoming another "product" in our consumerist society. The Justice Conference runs the risk of becoming an end in itself. Cool people plus cool music, plus cool atmosphere, plus cool exhibits, t-shirts and give away stuff all add up together to create an event that people want to which people want to continually return. But will the event itself result in the inculcation of the need to 'do justice' in its attenders? I don't know. That is yet to be seen. I hope so, but what I have experienced so far would suggest that the conference is becoming an end in itself. Only time will tell. My sense is that the conference organizers need to have more 'hands on' and 'how to' workshops and projects.

My hope is that the Justice Conference rethinks and restrategizes how it does, what it does in order to become more than the sum of its parts. Then the conference will empower people to change the world. I am grateful for the opportunities at the conference. I have been spurred to think and to imagine how we can cultivate the ability to do justice in my local context. Now to make that a reality. I look forward to next year's conference, assuming that some changes are made.

More again soon. God bless you my friends.

Appalachian Spring!

I went to sleep in 2011 and woke up in 2012. My alarm did not blare, but in soft tones, sang to me. Hugh Wolff and the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra played the last 90 seconds of Aaron Copland's original Appalachian Spring. To be honest, I can't think of a better way of waking up to a new year. The first thing that came to my mind was "thank you Lord for whispering such a lovely wake-up to me!"

Isn't it interesting how God whispers words of confirmation and encouragement to us? Those 90 seconds spoke volumes to me about life, about the new year and about God. 2012 is a special year.

Happy New Year my friends.

I know it has been awhile since I have blogged, so I must share a bit about what has been going on in my life. If you are a facebook friend, then you probably know a little already, but let me summarize a bit for you here.

I have been in Bozeman, Montana for almost a full year. In two weeks it will be a full year. It has been one of the most interesting years of my life thus far. As much as I loved Howard Payne and the teaching ministry I had there, this move was the right move for a variety of reasons. I look back at my time at HPU as a time of preparation. Preparation for what was to come in Bozeman. I miss my friends and I miss my older daughter who is at HPU. I made memories at HPU that I think of often, some joyful, some painful. Nevertheless, as time gathers momentum, I see that time and its purpose in my life.

Moving to Bozeman has not been without its difficulties though. It took seven months and a lot of work to get into our house. All of the flying back and forth as well as the work on the house caused some serious back problems, for which I am now going through physical therapy and treatments through an orthopedist. The church, as people, started out well, but has been stumbling along as of late. I refuse to be discouraged though. I knew this would be a five to seven year turn-around when I came. The core group of the church is resilient and loving though and we will not only survive, but will thrive in the near future!

2012's challenges are also its blessings. Here they are:

1. Finish my thesis.

2. Faithfully lead Bridger Community (FBC, The Rock Youth Center, CSR Ministries, The Montana Centre and Montana College) to a new level of thrival!

3. See my family into a new era of beautiful living.

4. Love God more.

Let me close now with a prayer now for the new year. It is not mine, but St. Elizabeth of Dijon's prayer. Enjoy.

Much love to each of you for a happy new year.

Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity: Prayer to the Trinity

O my God, Trinity whom I adore; help me to forget myself entirely that I may be established in You as still and as peaceful as if my soul were already in eternity. May nothing trouble my peace or make me leave You, O my Unchanging One, but may each minute carry me further into the depths of Your mystery. Give peace to my soul; make it Your heaven, Your beloved dwelling and Your resting place. May I never leave You there alone but be wholly present, my faith wholly vigilant, wholly adoring, and wholly surrendered to Your creative Action.

O my beloved Christ, crucified by love, I wish to be a bride for Your Heart; I wish to cover You with glory; I wish to love You...even unto death! But I feel my weakness, and I ask You to "clothe me with Yourself," to identify my soul with all the movements of Your Soul, to overwhelm me, to possess me, to substitute yourself for me that my life may be but a radiance of Your Life. Come into me as Adorer, as Restorer, as Savior.

O Eternal Word, Word of my God, I want to spend my life in listening to You, to become wholly teachable that I may learn all from You. Then, through all nights, all voids, all helplessness, I want to gaze on You always and remain in Your great light. O my beloved Star, so fascinate me that I may not withdraw from Your radiance.

O consuming Fire, Spirit of Love, "come upon me," and create in my soul a kind of incarnation of the Word: that I may be another humanity for Him in which He can renew His whole Mystery. And You, O Father, bend lovingly over Your poor little crature; "cover her with Your shadow," seeing in her only the "Beloved in whom You are well pleased."

O my Three, my All, my Beatitude, infinite Solitude, Immensity in which I lose myself, I surrender myself to You as Your prey. Bury Yourself in me that I may bury myself in You until I depart to contemplate in Your light the abyss of Your greatness.

England 2011, part 1...

Hola!

Of course, it has now been months since my last blog entry. What can I say, other than...well you know me, if you know me at all. Just busy. To get everyone up to speed, we finally moved into our house in Bozeman, Montana. I laid our wood flooring myself, moved and unpacked over 100 boxes of books. Then my back crashed...again. One of these days I will learn, I am sure. Anyway, I'm back in beautiful Bristol, England again, with side trips planned to Bath Spa and Oxford, maybe London if I have time. Regardless, it's good to be back in the Mother country!

While I am here I am wrapping things up with my current thesis supervisor, Jeanette Sears and entering the final stretch with a supervisor yet to be named. This doesn't really trouble me; maybe it should, but it doesn't. Maybe its because I'm 47, almost 48 and already have one doctorate. Maybe it's because I'm under no pressure at my new post to 'get it done'! Either way, I'm not stressed. I am going to enjoy finishing this piece up because I want to do so!

I had an interesting journey here. It took four flights and 26 hours. I saw the Amsterdam airport for the first time and was really impressed. Think contemporary upscale shopping mall meets airport, all staffed by 'Stepford' types. Hey, you've got to love the Dutch - they not only do soccer right, they also know how to treat the traveler in their airport!! Anyway, I arrived Bristol at 8:20AM - tired, but intact. My luggage made it with me and the wonderful folks in immigration let me pass without a hassle. My good friend Chris Bliss picked me up in his way cool Alpha Romeo and dropped me off at his place for a spot of tea and some toast with orange marmalade. Ah, to be back in England!

Anyway, I had a nice jet-lag nap and am now going to walk down to the Shirehampton village center to pick up some items for my hosts. Hopefully, it will be a nice, relaxed evening and a good night's sleep. Shirehampton is a truly beautiful suburb of Bristol. There are areas that remind me of a Jane Austen movie, really.

Well enough for now. I'll make another post tomorrow. In the meantime my friends, remember this:

God's grace is always greater...

wow.

It's been awhile since I posted. Almost a month! It has been a crazy month, so you will forgive me. We have been moving off of the ranch and into our home in town. It has take a lot of work. We've laid flooring, painted, put down baseboard and quarter round. My back hasn't been too happy, but I've lost 10 pounds and we are starting to really feel at home. Today was a breakthrough, we got closer to normal - I mowed my new lawn (almost a quarter acre!) and smoked a brisket. Tomorrow I will install some bookshelves, take a hike up the butte with Hannah and Catherine, then settle in for some more sermon preparation.

I am taking this break not to share with you all about my personal life, but to share an amazing insight with you.

It is when we confess our own inability and act in simple obedience

that God reveals Himself in strength.

Now I have amassed quite a bit of education in my 47 years, but I realize now more than ever that my education at times hampers ministry more than facilitating it. I have seen the power of God at work here in Bozeman like never anywhere else I have lived. God has doubled the attendance of our church in six months. People have attended worship and given more in the last 8 months than in the last 8 years. Spiritual strongholds have been broken, psychological and spiritual oppression has been lifted, young men and women are coming to know Christ. God is bringing together the personnel for Montana College in a fashion that only God can.

And guess what else? As much as I would like to take credit I can't. It's all God. I just preach, teach, pray and love people. It's absolutely not me. A congregation and a community is looking towards God in humility and finding Him. I am humbled and invigorated all in the same moment.

So what's my role? I am just being obedient. I am equipping people for ministry and encouraging them to engage their community. I am preaching what God has given me. I have never been a great preacher; I pray that I am a clear communicator; but if God has shown me anything, it is that the love, beauty and kindness of the gospel will go places that my education and skill cannot.

This has been a hard move. I've left dearly loved friends and family in Texas. My back has caused me severe pain at times. It took a long time to get into this house and off the ranch. Melissa is still looking for a job and the list goes on. Yet in my weakness He is made strong. Paul, another highly educated man, says this in 2 Corinthians 12:19, a passage that has put this all together for me:

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

I get it.

I love God. I love God with my mind and my heart. As I get older and am less able to do the things I once easily did, I am reminded over and over again, that truly - it is Him; not me. Amen.

An Update for All My Friends… July 3, 2011

Although this is is a break from my regular theological reflections, it is about my journey, so I hope you will forgive my brief repose!

It is July 3rd, 2011 at about 11:00pm Mountain Standard Time. I am sitting in a rocking swing outside of my unit at the Copper Spring Ranch bunkhouse. My new friend, "Franchesco" - a young male ginger cat is tired from chasing gophers and is at my feet. It was a warm day in the Gallatin Valley - about 94º at its peak. Now, close to midnight, it's a lovely 64º with an ever so slight breeze. Hannah, my daughter, is fast asleep and Melissa is reading.

From my vantage point at the foot of Pine Butte, in Gallatin County Montana, I am situated perfectly to the southwest of the city of Bozeman and to the southeast of the city of Belgrade. I know the picture to the left isn't great, but I am located just to the left of the picture. The butte is located on the ranch. Anyway, my elevation allows me to see the lights of both cities. The scene at 9:00pm was incredible. The Bridger Mountains to the north were like huge shadows, that provided an almost eery backdrop for the Independence Day festivities that had begun two nights ago.

Tonight, I sit here in the swing, listening to the flow of the Gallatin river and the occasional 'whump', 'crack' and 'fizz' of the fire works. The breeze is nice. It has given me an occasion to think and reflect just about me and my last 24 months. It has been a whirlwind. Two years ago, the summer of 2009, I was in Bellingham, Washington on a mission trip with the First Baptist Church of Brownwood. Last year, I was in Bellingham, but this time with Coggin Avenue Baptist Church of Brownwood. This year I am on a new adventure - not with a church from Brownwood, but as pastor of a church here in the valley - Bozeman First Baptist Church - now a part of Bridger Community Ministries. BCM has as its component ministries First Baptist Church, The Rock Youth Center, and, eventually, The Montana Center for Faith, Adventure and the Arts. As I think about it, all I can muster is, 'wow'....

The hard part for me has been missing my friends. As I get older, I realize more and more how dear my relationships are. I miss my close friends. I miss my afternoon talks with my good friend and mentor Wallace. I miss my friends, the McCutchen's. I miss my colleagues in the School of Christian studies. I miss my friends in Bangs and in De Leon. I miss my students - I found out today that one of my favorite students this past year is leaving HPU to go to nursing school at a university in San Antonio. I know that this is life though.

As I sit here, I realize that although I miss my friends, this was absolutely the right move. God's finger prints have been all over it! I have connected with the people here in a way I could have never imagined. The church is growing. We literally add new people every week. I am able to mentor students here and I have intellectual colleagues that satisfy my thirst for dialog. My time in Brownwood and in Bellingham have been preparing me for this stage in my life.

I think the hard part for me is realizing that this may be my last real challenge. I love the challenge, I love this place of incredible beauty. I miss my friends and my daughter Catherine - tremendously. But I realize that I am closer now to 50 than 40. I am the mentor. Although I have many projects, I can only tackle them one day at a time. I love each and every person that comes into my sphere of influence. I pray that God continues to lead me and to open doors in this ministry.

I miss all of you though. Rob, Monte, Corey, Wallace, Carol and the rest. Keep me in your prayers as I seek to follow Christ in this challenge. Oh, and visit when you can!

Community on the Edge: Church Outside the Comfort Zone.

Dusk came last night in Bozeman at about 9:55pm. Dawn came this morning at 4:56am (or so). I've got to say that kind of schedule is tough. The day becomes so long at this time of year at this latitude that it is practically disorienting. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep! Indeed, it can be so disorienting for people that they don't stay here but return to a location that has a more consistent day length, closer to the equator. But I am not unfamiliar with this situation. My old home in Bellingham, Washington was even further north and it too had long summer days. Those kind of long days in the summer and short days in the winter create a unique environment and a unique community.

We live in disorienting times. Some call this time "the postmodern era"; a time when all that we know about life and all the means we used to navigate this life has been turned upon its ear. The institutions and methods to which we have grown accustomed no longer have the appeal or effect they once had. This is no more true anywhere than in the church. The church is inherently embedded in culture. At its heart, it worship and reveres an historical figure (Jesus) as God who spoke to a specific culture in a specific way. Yet the ethic that Jesus taught was, and is, Truth (His teaching and ethics are experienced by all people as 'eternal' - His teachings transcend the culture and historical context to cause change in the hearer-reader; you see, the 'truth' of Truth is that it inaugurates change) and it must be applied in the ever changing culture around us. Thus as the culture changes around the church, the church too must adjust its methodology as it proclaims the Truth that is Jesus.

In a time where change is common; indeed where change is the norm and where steadfast adherence to any static context or tradition means quick death, the living church finds itself - if it is to be faithful proclaimers of the gospel - as a 'Community on the Edge' - a church outside of the comfort zone. As the comfort of the modern age fades into the quantum change of the postmodern (or is it ultramodern?), the survival of the church depends upon its willingness to be at the very edge of culture; reaching out to the lost, the hurt, the child and the widow, who always are the victims in culture.

It would be easy for the church trying to survive in the waning comfort of the modern era to continue its methods for as long as they can. And some churches in North America, located in cultures still relatively ruled by the ideas of the modern period (the Bible Belt, for example) will continue to rely on those methods. But a note to pastors: even as you rely on the tested programs of the 20th century to build the church body, start to equip people to make relationships with their neighbor. Rather than relying on attractional evangelism, start equipping people to engage in missional evangelism, where they go out of the building and into the world, making relationships, sharing the truth of Jesus with their lives, leading them to the Truth as we experience it in life and as it is codified in scripture. If you begin this process of equipping your sheep to do the meat of ministry, be prepared: you will soon find yourself outside your comfort zone as a community on the edge, challenging the norms of your culture and society. But be encouraged: that's exactly where Jesus and Paul were! I like what Paul says and what the church must take to heart today:

"To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some" (1 Corinthians 9:22)

Learn to live as a community on the edge; seriously engaging culture with the Truth and Love of God in order that some might be saved.