Watching your life be sold...

We're having a garage sale today.

yep.

It's the American way of preparing to relocate. However, this is not my 'thing' if you will; it's my wife's thing. Now, don't get me wrong, I help. I collect stuff, set up and assist in whatever needs to be done; but I don't 'haggle' or 'sell'... It's just too difficult. I feel as though I am selling my life.

Bit by bit, piece by piece, clothing, furniture, kitchen ware, tools, knick-knacks and other memorabilia that have marked portions of your life are sold to others for next to nothing. We sold a rocking chair for $7, a cabinet for $20 and who-knows-what-else at 4 for a $1 or less... In the heat of the sale, it is strange to see strangers pawing over your life, grabbing some things with lustful possessiveness and simply dismissing other things as if it was junk. Maybe it was, but it meant something to me once.

I walk out to give Melissa a break an hour into the sale and I saw a table cloth, a blue patterned table cloth that I had owned before we were married. I don't remember where I got it; I think from my father in Oklahoma. I couldn't part with it though. So I brought it back inside the house. It was too large a part of my history to let go. Maybe my daughters will want it some day; or maybe they will bury it with me, I don't know. It marked a part of my life though that is worth remembering.

I let go of a lot of other things though - a brief case, some tools, clothes, posters, furniture - and with those things, I saw the memories of each go as well. I don't think I will forget immediately, but over time, without those items, the memories will fade. Obviously, if the memories were that important, I would still have those things.

But alas, life moves onward - new memories and new 'memorabilia' to accompany them. There will be new furniture, new kitchen bowls and more clothes.

It's tough though watching your life be sold to whomever will pay the price your asking; but its actually a very good thing to do.

Aren't you glad that your life is more than the material things you wear and use? Aren't you glad that those things don't own you? Fetishism is what occurs when we imbue common objects with a 'magical' power. When we don't let go of those things because they have a hold on us, we can become crippled by the power we give them... But God takes care of us and stuff is just, well, stuff.

I guess garage sales aren't so tough after all.

The Ladies That Changed Me.

It is every professor's privilege to help his or her students not only amass knowledge in a specific discipline, but also help them to grow into better human beings. Part of the commission - the 'call' if you will - to teach is that you not only share a knowledge base, but that you enable those students to wisely apply the knowledge that has been bequeathed to him or her. I realize that this might be an idea unique to the Christian educational perspective, but I hope not. Being a teacher is a weighty call.

This past fall however, I was involved with a group of young women that changed me. They are the Lady Jacket Soccer Team - specifically four young ladies, their coach, a university photographer and a student groupie. All six of the young women (four players, a university photographer and the soccer 'groupie') had been or are in my Old Testament Introduction class. The coach is a valued friend of mine. Together, they did something that I try to do in all my classes - they showed me that I was valuable.

It is one of my deepest concerns that all of my students not only take away information from my classes and be able to wisely apply that information in their lives, but they walk away from my classes experiencing "value" - when they leave they know that each of them is valued as a person. Sometimes I am successful at that, sometimes I am not so successful - nevertheless it is something for which I aim. This fall, as I have had a "full plate" on my table, so to speak, I have wondered as to whether I have fallen short or not in my aim. Hopefully, I have succeeded, but I have had my doubts. Indeed, this fall has been a very trying time for me personally. Many prayerful decisions have been made and changes are in the works. But in the midst of all of these issues - these seven plus people - six young women, a coach and a soccer team - have shown me that I have value. They have shown me that the time I have spent in the classroom and as a participant in greater university life has made a difference. I needed to know that as much as they needed to know that they are valued too.

So my hat is off to the 2010 Lady Jacket Soccer Team, and especially, Sam, Kerrie, Bri, Mallory, Shannon, Megan and Kayla. Thank you for reaching out to me (though you didn't even know it!) when I was at a crossroads. It has made a difference. Thank you for your character - it is such a rarity in our time and culture. Thank you for your studious pursuit of knowledge and wisdom. But most of all thank you for the care and time you have shared with me. I am a better person because of who you are.

For those of you who are wondering - I am the guy right in the middle of the 'swarm' on the back row. STING 'EM Ladies!

Viva (vie • vuh)

The word, "viva" literally means, "to live." I think it is an interesting term, especially in how it is being used in my current context, "Upgrade Viva". An upgrade viva in the English context means "an interview where two outside examiners (PhDs in your field of enquiry) question you about your thesis and all of its attendant details. The enquiry last for as long as it takes for the examiners to ascertain your knowledge base and your potential for further scholarship. If you "pass" the examination, you are allowed to finish your thesis and submit it as a doctoral thesis, for which you can earn the doctor of philosophy degree. If the examiners find you deficient, then you are relegated to completing the M. Litt degree or Master of Letters - to be quite honest, it is a second class degree in this instance. It says your research is not good enough, complete enough or does not merit continuation towards the doctor of philosophy degree. So now the term "viva" is understood a bit better: it is the academic colloquy that determines the life or death of a scholar.

Well, my upgrade viva is tomorrow with two scholars I respect greatly. They have been reading my material for the past month and will make a decision tomorrow on its merit. If I were younger, I might be disturbed or even nervous. I find myself in a different place altogether. I am at peace; serene. (Well, a bit chilled at the moment - it's cold and wet here!!) Nevertheless, my demeanor is unaffected. I know my subject. I do.

My world is falling into place. God truly puts you in the right place at the right time. He gives you the confidence you need when you need it. He makes your paths straight. If you seek God's world, God's vision, He gives you glimpses of it and of His glory. Then he opens it up bit, by bit as we are faithful.

I thank you O Father for this beautiful day.

Help me to live it moment by moment

Seeing your glory

and sharing your love

in all that I do.

Let Jesus live in me

and your Spirit speak through my life…

Amen.

What happens when you hurt your friends.

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I want to share briefly some thoughts with you all the way from England. It's one of those times where I just need to share.

I have a friend who really makes me think.

We should all friends like that. Maybe my blog makes you think, and if so, that's good. Well, this friend - the one who really makes me think - is a person I have hurt very deeply. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all the stupid things I did to hurt this person - the older you get the more complicated it gets! - but I really know just one thing: I hurt someone I care about deeply. So much so that they really don't want to have anything to do with me. Now I have never really been in that position. The position where someone was so upset with you that they don't want to have anything to do with you, except maybe an ex-girlfriend, but this is not an ex-girlfriend.

So I've apologized, I've tried to reconcile and its just not happening. I think any sane person would just let it go; but I'm having a hard time with that because this person is someone I care about. You could even say love. I love my friends: Scott, Dave, Mel, Fran, Chris, Jo, Carol, Ken, Chuck... I hope I love them like Christ loves me; you know, the whole, "No man has greater love than this, than he lay his life down for his friends" kind of love. That's who I am. At least, that's who I hope I am and who I want to be...

Nevertheless, I hurt them and I know I hurt them. I had no desire to hurt them, but I did. I also know that they don't want to hurt and the best way not to hurt is to simply avoid me. I can't help that, can I? Its just the way it is. So I should move on. I know. But why is this pain still so deep, if I know that I've done all I can do?

My guess is that to "hurt" a friend is to break a trust, to betray the love that I say I have for my friends. You know, that selfless love Jesus proclaims. My love had become self-ish, not selfless. I needed my friend to be there for me and I wasn't there for them, listening like I should have. And so I said and did thoughtless things and now I am paying the price. But again, why the deep pain?

I can only guess. To have cared so deeply for someone and then to have that relationship destroyed is tantamount to having a piece of yourself destroyed too. I have lost something of me in them and I can never get it back. I can only learn from it...So that love, that friendship and now that pain is a part of me. Will it be a burden I always bear? I don't know. Maybe after a while the pain will dull, but it will never be forgotten. Love leaves a scar. Just ask Jesus.

So my friends, as someone on the journey let me say this: love your friends; listen to them, listen to their hearts; give them the space they need and forgive them generously when they err. Do all you can to be the love Jesus wants you to be for them.

Vertiginous Change

The past 3 months of my life have been a veritable roller coaster. I know that all of us have had segments of our lives that could be defined in that manner. Events, decisions and unplanned happenings come at us so quickly and with such force that they can overwhelm us. So 'rollercoaster' like is how I describe these past few months: towering peaks followed by massive valleys, more peaks with twists and turns in between and all navigated at lightning like speed. When you finally get off the coaster, you suffer from a form of vertigo that leaves you out of balance and without a firm sense of direction. Well, that's where I am - a little dizzy and ready to sit down for a moment (although this Saturday I leave for a week in England!).

I realize that life is never easy, but wouldn't you like it to be a little less vertiginous some times? I know I would. I would like to deal with one issue at a time, rather than seven issues, with each issue complicating the over all situation!

Its at times like these, when your faith in God centers you. It is our unwavering faith in Christ that anchors us during the storms of life. Christ gives us center and focus. He gives us peace of mind and energy for the journey. He sustains us. I am reminded of the old revivalist hymn Solid Rock: "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus’ Name."

Well, enough for now. The cares of the day call. Tomorrow I will tell you about "my soccer girls!"

7 hours, 25 bands and 3,750 students later

I survived.

I survived judging the USSBA Central Texas Regional marching band competition in Kyle, Texas. There were 25 bands made up of approximately 3,750 high school students. I commented on every performance from 1:45pm to 9:30pm. That is 200 minutes (3 hours and 20 minutes) of taped commentary. Additionally, I made written comments and assigned scores. I was in the press box of Shelton stadium for over 9 hours. 9 hours. NINE HOURS. Most of it in an 8' x 8' room with two windows opening up to the field.

And I loved every minute of it.

Listening and watching those 25 bands - each of those over 3,000 students focused intently on the task at hand. They performed as experts. Each student had an intimate awareness of his or her musical and visual responsibilities. They were finely tuned (no-pun intended) musical marching machines. They had worked hard for over 2 and 1/2 months for those 8 minutes of performance and all of them - ALL OF THEM - left nothing behind. They gave everything they had and then some. They left the field sweating, gasping for breath - spent. The crowd roared. They performed for the sake of performance. They performed for the love of music. They performed for love of their schools, their directors and their peers. They performed for the crowds. They performed for me, the music ensemble judge and six of my colleagues. I was honored by each and every performance to be a part of that moment of musical and visual pageantry.

Not many things in this life enable us to 'transcend' our mundane existence, but music is one of those things. In music we find joy, hope, sadness and despair. We are moved personally by music. In music, we find the utmost range of emotion and purpose.

I understand why some would believe that in music they can experience a moment of heaven - primarily because I believe that music is the language of heaven. For every note, every rest, every rhythm, every melodic phrase and rhythmic impulse speaks to us in a way that speech cannot. Every note of music witnesses to a transcendent story, a universal purpose for our lives. Music can reflect the pain of living, but it also communicates the hope of resurrection.

You should have seen the faces on those kids - from the box five (superior) to the box two (fair) band - each student had a smile as they stepped on and off the field. For in performing - by playing the music - each student won. For a moment, each one spoke the language of heaven, and were changed forever by it.

I am so glad to have been a part.

Le Grande Aventure!

I can read several languages fluently, but I must admit, French is not my thing...but under the circumstances and my flair for the dramatic, it seemed appropriate! Anyway, this weekend is "the grand adventure." Melissa, Hannah and I are taking a weekend off - no football game on Friday night! - to envision a new future for the family.

Since Melissa and I married 23 years ago, life has been an amazing adventure. It's had ups and downs, but for the most part, its been good. We have gone where the Lord opened doors and to the best of our ability have been faithful to His call. So we go. My prayer has always been that my daughters would share in this adventure -that they would see the influence of God in their lives and in their futures through all of this, and ultimately would learn to trust Him; and always know that no matter where we were or what we did, love would always bind our family together. God's love.

Sometimes I wonder if this adventure is equated with instability, but I don't think so. If that was the case, the apostles were the most unstable of people. Indeed, you could say that about any biblical personality. To follow God in this world is perceived as "foolishness" and thus the question of stability will always be there. But we know that is not the case. Melissa and I are from the southwest, Catherine was born in Virginia and Hannah was born in Washington state - there is only one direction for us to go then in these 48 states - north. And so we go.

For those of you who read this blog, this sounds "cryptic" - and it does, admittedly - but know my intention here is to talk about 'adventure'. Merriam-Webster defines adventure in the following manner:

1. an undertaking usually involving danger or risks.

2. an exciting or remarkable experience.

Of these definitions, I would like to think that the second, or latter is my reference point. I see adventure as an exciting or remarkable experience. I want my children to have those experiences and to be better for it. They will always have a stable home, though it may not be in the same house. Nevertheless, they will have experienced the new, the different and the unknown and thus will never have to be afraid.

I am not afraid to try new things, to attempt those things that others say is improbable or impossible. I'm not afraid, although I do not always succeed. But that is the adventure. To be faithful and to let success or failure reside in the hands of God. I am not afraid to let God be in control. In my tradition, we sing the hymn tune: "Wherever He Leads I'll Go" - but quite often we don't do we? We sense God's call, but we refuse to follow because of fear: fear of the unknown, a fear for safety or simply the ultimate conviction that we need to stay 'in control'... but what does that do to us over time?

All I can tell you is that I will go until I am called home.

I wish I could take all of you with me! (arf)

Let the adventure begin!